Naked

Naked is not our normal state yet it is our natural one, we’re not born in clothes but are very quickly put into them. Once our bodies are covered there is an increased pressure as we grow into adults to remain covered most of the time. There are few occasions when being naked is viewed as acceptable, usually when we’re alone or with partners and lovers. Public nudity is rare, making it surprising to those who witness it, and groups of naked people are not a common or every day sight.

I know that a lot of people have no problem with being naked, that they enjoy it and rejoice in it, whether in public or private. I know that for some being naked is a challenge, a way of pushing their own boundaries and nudity in front of others can be a turn on. For some however it’s a horrible thought with zero appeal. Personally I fall into the latter category, being publicly naked is one of my worst nightmares. I feel that there would be a vulnerability involved which could, potentially, be very empowering but the releasing of so much control is completely beyond me.

Growing up, my family were not of the ‘let it all hang out’ variety and anything remotely to do with sex or nudity was just not discussed. I don’t recall ever seeing my parents naked and just typing that makes me squirm. I was never instilled with the idea that the human body is beautiful (which I firmly believe it is) and saw very few examples of people without clothes either in real life or on TV. So as I grew into an adult I also grew into a person who was surprised, shocked and embarrassed by nakedness. Even now there is a certain element of this locked firmly into my brain and I suspect there always will be.

I would not and do not stand in front of the mirror naked because I fail to see any advantage to doing so, I don’t want to look at my own naked body. I could put it down to a complete lack of positive body images and examples of nakedness as a child. But I could also put it down to a certain sense of not having exactly the body I want so the reflection wouldn’t please me. It’s not down to not liking my body because it’s too fat or too thin etc. But is to do with my body not matching my gender. This is a recent acknowledgement brought about by the explorations into my gender over the past couple of years. If I had a different body, one that fitted my gender expression maybe I’d still have the fear of being naked or maybe not, but that’s something I’ll probably never know.

Of course there are times when I have to remove my clothes, but I would only ever do that alone or in the presence of my wife. The assumption would also be that I would ‘get naked’ during sex. If you are being intimate with someone there is usually the need to be at least partially unclothed. Yet for me sex involves not being naked, at least not in the traditional sense. There are items of clothing that I always wear, a compression vest to make my chest flat and boxers to hide the harness my cock sits in. (Note: I wear a strap on cock but don’t consider this to be wearing additional clothes because it’s my cock and therefore part of my body when strapped on.)

This is my version of naked. It is my presentation of my body in the way I wish it to be seen, but it means wearing clothes that enable and facilitate me to ‘do’ naked the way I want. There is a part of me that would like to be able to celebrate my own nakedness but that’s highly unlikely to happen. But I can celebrate my own version of nakedness, I can strut and pose with my compression vest and bulging boxers. I may not be naked in the conventional sense of the word but I am exposing my body in a form that I am proud of, and that is a good thing. Perhaps being comfortable with my version of naked will ultimately make me more comfortable with the body I live in.