If you’ve been in a relationship for any length of time it can sometime be a challenge to make time for, or engage in hot sex. But, before you go cheating on your mate (22% of adult in monogamous relationships admit to cheating with their partners according to one study, which found it was most likely to happen at the 3-5 year mark), don’t worry. The reason most people cheat is because they are currently unsatisfied with their sex life and are looking for a “thrill”. So, here are some ways to get that “thrill” back in the bedroom with your current partner and to add a bit of spice to a relationship that is lacking in desire.
1. Look Good—Feel Great: If you are a stay at home parent is may be hard to take time for yourself and look your best in your sweats and baby food stained t-shirt. Or, maybe you work long hours and come home exhausted and disheveled. Either way, it is important to take time for yourself to look and feel your best. Sign up for a couple days a week at the gym, indulge in a weekly “spa” treatment (even if at home), or buy yourself that sexy lingerie you’ve been eyeballing. Looking your best will make you feel better and will also make your partner take notice.
2. Talk About It: Let your partner know that you want to have more/better sex with them and that they still turn you on. Often, the problem is scheduling time together or working on relationship issues together, that will allow you to reignite that spark. As with any relationship, communication is key.
3. Variety is the Spice of Life: Okay, so maybe you’ve both been in a funk. Same ole in and out missionary position is not as exciting as it used to be. Try a little variety to spice it up like a new sex position from the Kama Sutra in a place you don’t usually have sex.
4. Mix a Little Kink into Your Vanilla: Just because you may have fantasized about being tied up during sex or some playful spanking, isn’t that taboo anymore. In fact, many “vanilla” couples are experimenting with a bit of “kink” to bring that added spice to a relationship. Try a discrete blindfold and some fuzzy handcuffs placed on top of your partner’s pillow and see what happens. Or even better talk to your partner about your desires by introducing them to a Kink Guide for Beginners.
5. Roleplaying: Pretending you are someone else can be a huge turn on for you and your partner. Maybe you want to play out a pirate and captive theme in your bedroom? How about a “blind” date at a bar you never go to so you can pick each other up? Or maybe you want to try a booty call at a hotel and pretend you are strangers meeting for sex. Get creative and try on a different role.
6. Try Tantra: Maybe you feel that you and your partner have become “detached” in your relationship and you crave intimacy. You could try the way you approach sex, like introducing Tantra—“sacred sexual practices like sensual massage, communication and ways of touching”—into your sex life to slow down the art of lovemaking to make it a more deeply embodied experience.
7. Rent an Erotic Movie: Put aside one night a week where you and your partner can enjoy an erotic movie together. It doesn’t have to be X-rated, but can be a mainstream film with a steamy sex scene in it. Or, if you do enjoy porn, try watching films you would both enjoy together. Visually, it may get you both in the mood and it could also be used as fodder for new ways to experiment together.
8. Romance: One of the number one complaints women have about their “romantic” relationships is that there is nothing romantic about them. Whatever happened to flowers and chocolate, or taking each other out to a romantic dinner for two? Or writing seductive notes for their eyes only in your partner’s lunch box? It is not enough to tell someone you love and appreciate them (though that helps!), but showing them by doing little things makes all the difference.
9. Yes, Mistress: If your partner is the one who always initiates sex, then it might be time to turn the tables and seduce them. It can be exhausting always being the one who is in control, and most people like a break once in a while. This doesn’t means you have to turn into a Dominatrix (unless that is one of your fantasies and theirs), but take initiative, be more assertive, and allow your partner to enjoy the seduction.
10. Sex Toys: Sex toys are not for everyone, but for many couples it can add a whole new element to your lovemaking. There are lots of great sex toys geared at couples including the We-Vibe (the only couple’s vibrator that can be worn during sex), or vibrating cock-rings. Sex swings, stripper poles, and sex furniture like Liberator Shapes are great additions if you want to try different sexual positions or ways to seduce your lover. Also, don’t forget about erotic body lotions and massage oils, or sensual bath and body products as a way to share intimacy together.