I identify as a stone butch which means (amongst other things) that I am particular about how and where I am touched. But conversely touch is more important to me since I recognised myself as stone. I am more aware of touch than ever before,I think about it a lot more, both the negatives and the positives.
Generally I don’t like being touched by anyone I’m not close to, I’m not a huggy/kissy person. My personal space feels exceptionally personal and I don’t like it being invaded. It makes me feel very uncomfortable, awkward and uneasy. Sometimes that’s because I don’t want strangers, acquaintances or even those close to me to notice things, like the fact I have a (packing) cock or that I bind. Mainly it’s because I just don’t like my space to be occupied by others, particularly uninvited and I don’t want physical contact. I think I’ve always been like that, I’m just more aware of it now and I’m more able to articulate or admit it.
I don’t really like touching other people. I guess because touching other people also means my personal space is invaded and my body makes contact with others. I do touch other people, I do hug or pat backs or kiss cheeks but unless I’m close to the person I’d rather not. But at least if I initiate the contact I have control over it. Is it because the body I live with feels not quite right and off center? Maybe, possibly, even probably. Yet touch when it feels comfortable for me is a total joy which I feel intensely right to my soul.
I touch my wife. All the time and as often as I can.The connotations of those touches can and do vary. Sometimes it’s about possession, particularly in the presence of others. At social gatherings, in the supermarket, walking down the street, my hand in the small of her back or a light touch to her hair or holding her hand. It’s a signal to the rest of the world that she is with me, she belongs with me and in some ways to me. And of course there are all kinds of possessive touches in the the privacy of our own bedroom.
Then there is simple affection, I love her and I want her to know that. A touch can do that without words and no matter where we are. It also reassures me, I like to check she’s real, make sure she’s still there, by my side, with me. And her responses to my touch reassure me that she still wants me there, still loves me. I’d like to think that my touch reassures her as well, there are occasions when I know it does, I can tell by the way she relaxes into it.The major reason I touch my wife is because it feels good, however, wherever, whenever I touch her. It feels just right.
It also feels right when she touches me, I don’t get the usual response to having my space invaded. But she knows how to touch me, where to touch me and most importantly where not to touch me. She understands the stone part of me and works with it not against it. She also accepts my cock and treats it as part of my anatomy. The simplest of touches from my wife can send my into a state of utter relaxation and peace because there is no danger from her. There is absolute trust and I have complete faith in her ability to read my reactions.
There are times when she touches me or I touch her that I can feel sheer energy flow between us. It often happens with the most innocent of gestures. It is so important to me to have that level of understanding especially as my reactions to touch can be unpredictable at times. There are all kinds of ways to touch someone, from a friendly brief gesture to the most intimate of sexual acts. Given with love, understanding and trust touch is a precious gift that I would hate to be without.