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Is Your Boyfriend Intimidated by Your Sex Toys?

Sadly it seems quite common for men to be intimidated or insecure about their women’s sex toys. If you boyfriend or husband falls into this trap you probably have two questions on your mind.

  1. Why is he freaked out by your toys?
  2. What can you about it?

Why is he scared of your sex toys?

In my opinion young men in western culture often aren’t taught how to become men, they aren’t given great communication skills and they often end up with pretty low self worth.

This low self worth may then be compounded by an unrealistic image of a “real man” perpetuated by the media, porn movies and marketing.

I.E. – If you don’t have a six pack, total 100% self confidence, a huge dick and the ability to make women cum at the blink of an eye you are not worthy BUT wait its ok just buy this product and all your problems will be solved.

Why are these external reasons combined with low self-esteem important?

Because in my opinion it is not the sex toys that the guys are scared of. They are scared of not being good enough in general for any woman. This can manifest itself in many formats:

  1. Fear their women will replace them with their toys.
  2. Fear that their dick isn’t big enough.
  3. Fear that they aren’t good enough in bed.
  4. Fear of a woman’s sexual power, desires, fantasies, toys, etc.
  5. In fact often they are scared of everything to do with not just sex and relationships but life in general.

All of these various fears come from a belief that at some level they feel:

“I’m not good enough”

So while this fear is expressed or manifested as a fear of sex toys, the chances are its part of a deeper and broader fear of not being good enough in some way.

How can you help your man get over this?

I don’t believe you should try and “fix” your lover.

I also don’t believe you can fix him even if you did try.

But I do believe you can help him get over this if he wants to.

As with most relationship problems the first step is good communication and by that I mean listening as well as talking.

Step one – Encourage him to talk about how he really feels about your toys. If he can admit he is intimidated by them that’s great, but if not be patient, there is more than one way to sort this one out.

Step two – Explain why you like your toys. Don’t lie but do be sensitive. Don’t tell him you love your huge dildo because it fills you in a way his cock never could, but do tell him the toys give you different sensations that can be fun either on your own or with him.

Step three – Reassure him that he is both more important and more sexually arousing than your toys. That sex with him is more important and the toys are just a bonus (if this isn’t the case maybe you need to examine if you are in the right relationship).

Step four – Suggest ways of him using your toys to give him more fun and pleasure. Maybe he could tie you up and use them on you? Maybe you could tie him up and use the toys on him?

Step five – Be patient. If you play your cards right, and with your support he might just get over this fear and before you know it he will be buying you sex toys for Xmas! Also if he does get over this, it might also help his overall confidence and self esteem issues. That can only be a good thing and is one of the many reasons why good communication and good sex is a good thing for everyone!

What do you think? Guys have you been through this? Ladies have you any questions or thoughts to share?

Have a good one!



Jack Hunter is joint owner, blogger and community member of  He is a full time geek, a huge fan of the internet and firm believer in everyone’s right to experience, express and enjoy their sexuality in freedom and the absence of judgement.

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1 Response

  1. Jack says:

    Thanks for sharing this post Domina, if any of your readers want a man’s perspective on this and have any questions I am here to help 🙂

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