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Mary Mermaid

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

I want to start off by stating that I am not an advocate for dual-purpose vibrators.  I have tried several including the We-Vibe, the Rabbit Habit, and the Snugglepuss [my review], all with similar disappointing results.  How I wanted to be like Miranda from Sex in the City and fall in love with my dual-action vibes, but alas, it was never meant to be.

However, I had very high hopes for Mary Mermaid for several reasons.  First, it is designed by Fun Factory, one of my favorite sex toy designers who also makes my beloved G-spot dildo the Curve [my review].  It features a beautiful sleek design that is whimsical, without dubbing down the toy to make it look like a kid’s toy.  Even a grown woman like me may have a secret fantasy for mermaids.  Rabbits—on the other hand—have never been very sexy to me.  The design of the tail was something that also got my attention, and I imagined those wide flippers licking deliciously against my clitoris and causing me to having crazy, awesome orgasms.

The reality it this:  Mary, Mary is quite contrary.  She is beautifully designed, but is more “art for art sake” than functional.  Her phallus-shaped body is fine for penetration, although becomes slimmer on the end, so not ideal for G-spot stimulation.  I prefer a larger, more bulbous head for my G-spot.  And, although she “twists and shakes” neither is sufficient enough to get me overly excited.  The real bummer, however, is Mary’s tail that promised me orgasms but did not deliver.  The tail should have been designed much longer and closer together, so it would snuggle the clitoris on both sides.  As it is, neither side reaches my clit without a struggle.  And, trying to keep the tail on your clit while pumping the dildo to and fro is an exercise in frustration.

Unfortunately, I’m back to using two toys again that do a great job together (one for G-spot like the Curve and the other for clitoral like the Mini Wand Massager) rather than a dual-action that does neither.  I’m afraid I will never be converted to a dual-action toy, although I am always so tempted to keep trying.  So, back in the ocean with you Mary Mermaid.  Let’s see if you will sink or swim.

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