Dirty Talk

Language is extremely powerful, the words we use or the labels we apply to ourselves can have a massive impact. During sex or a BDSM scene the use of language can significantly enhance emotion as well as push boundaries and add additional layers to the physical action. In particular, talking dirty, name calling and verbally drawing attention to physical acts. There is something exciting and thrilling about using words which are considered taboo. Words which wouldn’t be used in ‘polite’ company, that have meanings and connotations which are sullied or bad. But I’m not very good at it. Despite being reasonably articulate and also being able to express myself in writing when it comes to dirty talk I’m a bit rubbish.

There is always an internal dialogue coursing through my head yet it differs hugely from the what I actually manage to verbalise. My internal dialogue is usually full bodied and rich but what comes out of my mouth, while it could be considered dirty, is seriously lacking in comparison. In other words I struggle with really letting go, with tapping into all those lovely, filthy words and phrases in my head and using them as an additional sexual accessory.

Like everything else we do my wife and I have discussed how we would both like to use certain language more in the bedroom. She is much better at it than me and can articulate her internal dialogue with less difficulty. Language also has a very powerful effect on her, she likes to hear what I’m thinking and feeling no matter how dirty it is. The times I have managed to let it out have been very successful so it is something I really want to work on. However I need to make a conscious effort to remove the blockage that exists between my brain and my vocal chords.

What I need is a strategy to work with. While I hesitate to ‘rehearse’ dirty talk it could be the way forward. As a means to an end rehearsed or at least pre-prepared phrases or sentences might in time unlock the barriers that are preventing me from letting go now. It’s about getting used to saying ‘bad’ things out loud, hearing them with my ears instead of inside my head. The more I say it and hear myself saying it the less ‘shock’ impact it will have on me and so it will become easier.

Another tactic might be to practice dirty talk outside the bedroom, integrate it into everyday situations to normalise it. I’m a big believer in reclaiming words that have previously had a less than positive press, words like butch or queer. But in doing that the idea is usually to recognise the positives in the words, turn their meanings around. It has occurred to me that by introducing dirty talk as a more normal aspect of my language we might lose the sting and the resulting stimulation. I’m not looking to change the existing connotations of the words and phrases because that’s where their appeal lies. The negatives are what make the words exciting, naughty and dirty. My feeling is that I would have to use them an awful lot to remove the existing meaning and that selective usage will help to normalise them into my language while still maintaining the attraction.

Ultimately I would like to talk dirty spontaneously, to open my mouth, link directly to my brain and unleash the stream of filth that permanently resides there. That will not happen overnight, there are barriers which need to be broken down to allow that to happen. Psychological barriers are unfortunately often very hard to overcome and can sometimes bounce back when I think I have them beaten. But as the saying goes ‘practice makes perfect’ so I’ll just have to keep practicing and that is actually a very appealing prospect.